Imposter Syndrome for Virtual Assistants: How to take up the space you deserve

“Just an Assistant”

If you’re an Assistant you’ve probably heard it, and may well have said it to yourself. (We‘ve banned the word “just” at Upsource.)

But you’ll also be familiar with the internal eye roll it inspires, because you know your clients, and their teams, rely on you.

Almost every Assistant (woman, business owner, etc) comes up against imposter syndrome at some point, but as par for the course, it’s not often we hear how to manage those feelings.

Every month at Upsource HQ, we have a Lunch & Learn to upskill in terms of tools, skills and personal development and last month we were thrilled to host Nikki Wheeldon, ex Assistant agency owner and West End musical star. Over the years Nikki’s found that a lot of what she learnt at drama school translates well to business, and to the meetings, emails and calls that make up an Assistant’s week, so she shared with the team.

What imposter syndrome sounds like for Assistants

It’s negative self-talk, and it’ll sound different for everyone.

For Assistants, it might be something like:

“I’m only self-employed, I’m not a real business.”

“I’ve just been lucky with my clients.”

“I’m just here to do the admin.”

“I can’t charge that much.”

Nikki’s advice is to start by working out what your little imposter whispers are saying, and then notice what happens next – how you feel and how you behave.

Maybe you over-apologise, play down something you’re proud of, sit on a good idea, or let an opportunity go to someone else because it didn’t feel like yours to take. That last one’s a stinger – if you don’t put your hand up, someone else will. We’ve all been there.

Stand at the front of the class

Imposter syndrome wants you to make yourself smaller – so deliberately do the opposite. Take up space.

Nikki shared a story: When she got to drama school, dance was her weakest subject, and she dreaded dance class every week. She’d stand right at the back, never got the hang of the choreography and after months the teacher didn’t even know her name.

Nikki decided things weren’t going to improve unless something changed – so she stood at the front of the class the next week. And it worked. She started picking up the moves, the teacher learnt her name and everything got better.

Standing at the front is easier when you believe you belong there. Imposter syndrome is very good at reminding us what we’re not good at, so focus on your strengths no matter how small

Check your language

Have a look through your sent emails, they’re revealing more than you think.

“Sorry to bother you, but…”

“Just checking in…”

“It’s probably nothing, but…”

“I hope that makes sense.”

Not only do these seemingly small tells demonstrate to the recipients of your missive’s that you’re not as confident as you could be, they’re reinforcing that feeling in yourself.

If you’re not confident in your work, you might be undermining your competence in other people’s, and your own, mind. Review your emails before you send them, and delete anything that saps your confidence.

Taking up space on video calls

If you’re a Virtual Assistant, most if not all of your client contact is happening on screen. Some tips to come across with confidence.

• Look at the lens, not at yourself. Otherwise you’re essentially talking to someone’s ear.
• Face the screen your camera is on. If you work across two monitors, it’s easy to end up giving clients your side profile which makes it harder to connect on a human level.
• Sit back far enough that your hands are in shot. Let your clients see your hand gestures, so they can understand your body language.
• Keep both feet on the floor, and your chin level and shoulders down, away from your ears.
• Wear something that makes you feel good. It doesn’t have to be a suit, but something that makes you feel confident rather than cosy.
• Take a breath before you answer. A pause before you speak comes across as considered, not hesitant.

When your business is you

We get it. If you’re a solo VA, your business is you, which means you can’t brush off tricky interactions or bad bads with the ease of “it’s business, not personal”.

Caring about your business deeply is no bad thing, and when you’re essentially selling a service where the differentiator is likely you and your brand, you’ll never be able to fully detach.

But.

If your personal side is stopping you from having a sticky conversation, sending an invoice or putting your rates up, that’s when it’s worth reminding yourself that this is business.

Don’t wait for validation

External validation is lovely; it’s great to hear kind words from a client. But it’s not a guarantee, even if it is true (of course it’s true).

More important is to trust yourself, your experience, skills and knowledge and to trust that you’re the right person for the job.

Want to join our next Lunch & Learn?

We run skills and self development workshops monthly for the Upsource team. If you’d like to join us, we’re starting to build our team pipeline for 2027. So if you’re an experienced VA, EA or PA and like the sound of working with ambitious clients alongside a team that has your back, we’d love to hear from you.

(Please note – This isn’t for one specific role right now. We’re building our pipeline ahead of potential New Year client starts so we can hit 2027 running.)